


and here we are

by guide_to_the_galaxy



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, B-Team, So I figured I'd try my best to inculcate it, The show often forgets that they're kids and their lives are hard and trauma exists, kinda comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2018-11-16 02:50:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11244789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guide_to_the_galaxy/pseuds/guide_to_the_galaxy
Summary: Mikey dies. For a split second, for too many minutes, he's not here. He's  not anywhere. Dying is never easy, coming back is sometimes harder and learning how to cope is just the worst. But it doesn't always have to be.(now a multi-chapter of this kid and his family coping with copious amounts of awful things no one should have to go through)





	1. and here we are

**Author's Note:**

> takes place after the special: "When Worlds Collide" so beware of spoilers

Donnie remembers the look in his little brother’s eyes the minute he ceased to exist and wishes he didn’t. 

Mikey sits on his desk and swings his legs back and forth; nervous tick obviously, because his brother was watching his face, and how he moved and if he breathed. Donnie checks Mikey sixteen and a half times and Mikey promptly stops Don from making it a seventeenth, shrugging is brother away, keeping his eyes low so he doesn’t have to see the pain Dee’s got in is face, screwing it up tight.

“’S fine, Dee…barely even a scratch- honest,” he mumbles and keeps kicking his legs out, pulling them back, glancing up to watch his brother drop into his desk chair. 

So here they were, and this was dumb, and Donnie purses his lips, shakes his hanging head. 

“No, Mikey, it’s really not.”

Okay, so it isn’t. But thinking about it, and letting the adrenaline die and subside enough so that they felt this- so that all the crazy things they were feeling then register- was the worst. Because they go fast and they are warriors and crazy things were just side-effects of war, and so was being afraid. 

Donnie was- and, god, maybe he still is- afraid. Even if they didn’t have time to be.

“You were there, and then you weren’t,” Don says, above a whisper, and drags his hands down his face, scrubbing at the lines and creases, “And it was….scary- e-every particle and…a-and molecule…gone-? and then you decided stay  _behind-_ ”

The lab is quiet besides the whirring machines, and Donnie’s croaking words get caught in his throat. But Mikey pushes that all aside, loosens his grip on the desk and shrugs. 

“Well, what  _else_  was I s'possed ta do, Dee? Let everyone just…” he looks at his hands and lets them unfold on his làp, pushing hìs breaths out, “Y'know?” he winces and scratches his neck, “Guess you know….It felt totally weird. Trippy, I guess. I was here- o-or there? But I wasn’t? I dunno, I never felt that before…" 

And Donnie rests his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. He knows how it feels to be torn apart, and Mikey shouldn’t.

“You shouldn’t,” Donnie says, “You…that shouldn’t have…have happened, Mikey.“ 

But it did, and here they are with the side-effects of war. Again. 

Mikey folds his arms, twists his lips and stares at the ceiling, “You guys totes do that, though. Like,  _all the time-_ ”

“Doesn’t matter,” Donnie cuts in, standing up to put his supplies into the rusted metal drawers, “It’s…that’s not your job, Mikey.”

“Okay, dude, we don’t  _have jobs_. We’re a freaking team first out there, brothers second, right?”

“No,” Donnie closes the drawer roughly, pressing is palm against his desk, “No, we’re brothers first- brothers  _here_  and out  _there._  Mikey, we’re never not…brothers. A-and….and you just don’t get to go and almost  _die_  like that. We need you, okay?" 

 

And in their silence, and in the way that Donnie’s words hang in the air, in this shared space, Mikey sees his brother’s fear, his paranoia, and everything that manifested itself as his brotherly love. But they’re not who they were last year, or even yesterday; they’re newer and life is rougher and Mikey can’t promise he’ll stay in his place anymore. 

 

"We need you too, Dee,” he says, quiet and hurt, catching Donnie’s eyes before he lies back on the desk, watching dust float under the poor lights of the lab, sighing, “Holy cats, we do almost die a lot, though,” he breathes, thinking of Leo and the farmhouse and Donnie every other week, and Raph and casey, April- his father.

And Donnie calms down,  sighing too as he watches whatever Mikey’s looking at,  _“Yep.”_

“Do you think it’ll, like, ever not be that way?”

“Maybe…but, ah, I’m…I’m- I not too hopeful." 

"Well I’m tired now, dude…” Mikey yawns, and yet somehow his words hold more depth than that, than anything their minds want to comprehend right now.

So Donnie agrees all the same and they stay quiet, listening to Casey come in with pizza they weren’t really hungry for anyway, and hope beyond hope that this would br the last time, knowing they’ll be here again, talking bout dying and almost dying and how unpleasant and messed up it all was. 

So here they are, wishing to be better things, and tallying up the unfair, unfortunate things of life like counting stars and dust that falls from the ceilng and onto tired, worn faces.

 

 


	2. rubber ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his father gone, Mikey tries to find his place in the world. Luckily, and strangely, Casey is there to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue this as a series of one shots and arcs that go a little beyond canon, and explore the after-effects of war on teenagers and yoj know, things writers forgof happened. A lot of them will focus on B-team, but if anyone has a specific request go ahead!

The one good thing about Casey Jones was that he _listened._ He listened when he didn’t even notice it and he would stare with deep brown eyes, wouldn’t move. He’d get this rutting in his brow because he was just so interested in whatever you had to say and that- Mikey thinks is the greatest thing about Casey.

Because _people don’t listen._ Not really. People don’t listen in that wholehearted kind of way that was just a little beyond listening, but understanding and picking apart with their eyes wide and they’re leaning in and stuff.

Casey does that, like he’s lost in what Mikey’s got to say- which Mikey never thinks is much of anything important most of the time but it’s just things he’s gotta say. Things that won’t leave him alone.

“’S like…like this totally weird itch, ya know? That you get and it just won’t stop bugging you till you get it _out.”_ He tells Casey from across the tilted kitchen table. Casey said his dad would fix it one day. 

“And I just gotta say somethin’ about it…but then I get this…I dunno- it’s like in my head or guts or whatever that says I should just…drop it. ‘Cause the guys, I don’t know man…” and he sags in the chair, shrugging.

 

He thinks maybe he should take his time because this was Casey and he had the patience to let Mikey figure himself out. He thinks too much.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe he’s thinking this out too much, looking too deep. 

 

If Casey thought so, he never said it, leaning in instead, “Dude…you gotta tell ‘em. Tell your bros…everything or it’s- well, look. My dad, after my mom an’ all, he was…it ain’t healthy or whatever, man. Carryin’ all that- _this.”_ he jabs his finger against the table and it wobbles a little, “About….Splinter and stuff. You gotta tell ‘em.” 

Mikey lets it sink in and thinks about all the times he’s wanted to say how _bad_ he feels, how he can’t shake this grief, how he can’t stop being angry at his father and jealous of the last moments he never gave to him- not in the way Mikey thought he and his other two brothers deserved. He feels lied to, he feels awful and his heart stings with a twist of sadness and gratitude when Casey lets his hands fall on either of Mikey’s shoulders, and their foreheads fall against each other naturally- their own symbol of brotherhood and comfort. 

Casey slaps the back of his head affectionately, keeps his hands cupped there.

“All this stress ain’t goood for you, Mikey- ‘s just…god, I’m sorry man.” 

“Yeah,” Mikey croaks, rubbing at his maskless face, “Yeah…” 

And they stop talking, and Casey doesn’t call home like he thought he would when Mikey came through his window. They watch movies instead, and Mikey wonders, for a while that night, what Casey’s mother was like. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just...I feel like the show really undermines Casey's ability to be an awesome friend and brother to the guys, especially Mikey. And the way Mikey expresses himself is something I feel like Casey can just get easily. My friend, Spectrum, really opened my eyes to their budding friendship so I explored it kn this way. Hope you guys enjoyef it!


	3. two siblings and a subway car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this familiar place, filled with childhood and forgotten memories, Karai and Raph have an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey this is still a thing!!! yay! i decided, as you may know, to include all the hamato sibs into the mix of handling their lot in life. this time it's raph and karai, who i feel deserved way more bonding time @ ciro

“Sometimes…” Raph heaves in the darkness of an abandoned subway car, the one he and his brothers found nearly ten years ago, and made a second home in, with little familiar things, forgotten now. 

And it’s only partially lit by a dim light that needs changing, and some stubborn star stickers. He doesn’t look away from his hands, “Sometimes I just wanna do it.”

“It…” is the quiet response Karai makes, more in question than anything else, as she leans against the glass.

“Ya know,” Raph shrugs, and digs his nails against his skin the tighter he holds himself, “I get that...itch. Ta run away, to...go, somewhere. Somewhere else. And I don’t hafta  _ know  _ where- ‘s just. Gotta  _ not _ be here.”

Giving it thought, Raph snorts, a smile spreading and briefly chases away his confliction, “Hell, that’s how I found Casey.”

He glances over, searching for something that understands in his sister. She is his sister after all, and he likes to believe that, somehow, in that same way he  _ knows  _ his brothers, instinctive and  _ close-  _ he likes to believe Karai’s always had that too. For years. But he tucks that secret away with other childish things he clings to quietly.

But finding it, the understanding, in the deepness of her eyes and the worry lines in her face, Raphael hangs his head, “I dunno; guess it’s always been this way.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, but he knows that’s a lie (he remembers wanting to stay, and, even now, to  _ belong where he stays). _

There were times he wanted to forget the strength of the feeling, of what sat heavy in his chest or wracked his head so hard nothing could just anchor him  _ here _ \- with his family. And maybe Karai  _ couldn’t  _ (or she could, he hoped) get that, and maybe it didn’t  _ matter  _ that she couldn’t; maybe it was good enough that she tried, maybe it was fine if she just did that and smoked with him over the swaying topics. From dishes to Leo being a jackass, to deprecation and doubt and hatred, all in a subway car, waiting for something to make sense, or blow over. A revelation, or purpose. Something beyond them- though he  _ thought  _ he’d ought to have found all of that by now.

Karai sighs, slouching in the seat, combing through her hair. But slyly, she shoots Raph a smirk, even if her eyes tend to look out past the tracks, and says nothing. Perhaps her understandings of him were best left unsaid.

Still, she looks at him, resting her temple against bruised knuckles, “When I met Shini- I think it was raining. Saki was being...hard, and I just kept messing up the same kata. Over and over and...and over I kept stumbling. Balance was off and everything,” her brows rutt slightly as she stares off into the memory, “I don’t really know why. It was a simple routine but- he didn’t beat me. Just kinda gave me that same damned look.”

Rolling her eyes, Karai lets out a breathy chuckle and shakes her head, not realizing the way Raph had been peering at her, wide-eyed.

“Anyway it was worse than being beat- to me. So I...skipped town, snuck out, ditched- whatever. And I...met Shini. Playing tricks on innocent tourist.”

Karai’s fond and far away, and her eyes flick over to Raph’s, “Sometimes we find really great things running away, Raph.”

_ Raph.  _ And not Raphael. Her smile is genuine if not tired, but it’s steady and Raph sees in her so much of what his father was he wants to cry.

And before Karai leaves the quiet, abandoned subway car, littered with their memories and stolen youth, she pulls at his mask tails, “Just come back to them after you find it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading guys!!! i thought up this prompt reading idw tmnt actually, but then considered tmnt 2012 raph feeling something similar regarding just....wanting to get away. and i figured who better to understand it than karai.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was something I felt needed to be written, mostly because there are so many people who watch this show or read fics that gave gone through too much, and I think media needs to portray that there's nothing wrong with acknowledging whatever's going on in your head, and teach kids how to deal with that so....yeah! Hope you dudes enjoyed!


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